Scooootland, aye!

That's to be pronounced in your best Scottish accent by the way.  So here I am in sunny Scotland (yes, really, it was *HOT* yesterday...) and it was the longest day - 19 hours of pure non stop (excluding a couple of power naps) action and some 300 miles driving.  Today my right shoulder feels pretty bad so I can't wait for Aquafit tonight.  As is often the case on these days, I managed one photo, which I'll upload later.  I was working at a dead posh venue for a big company and it was a nice gig.  I even got to say hello to some horses.  Mealtime wasn't great for me as there were about 15 big tables in an area near the main room, and then the bagpipers and military band (who were all amazing) started rehearsing.  It was agonising.  I was hungry, yet I just wanted to be in a darkened room for half an hour.  Needless to say, I locked myself in my car with my sunglasses on for 20 minutes as soon as I'd wolfed down some food.  I'm sure my colleagues think I'm a right weirdo but the performance went well, and my responsibility is to do whatever it takes to achieve that. 

The concert started with the Flying Theme from E.T.  I've played it just a few times but this was a different version I didn't know, as was the edition of the beautiful In Paradisum from Fauré's Requiem so that kept me on my toes.  That's the amazing thing about music - as soon as we started playing, I clicked into that part of me that gets really excited and focused and I could see Elliot on his bike with E.T. snuggled in a blanket in his basket.  Our audience was strong in males and we were the post dinner entertainment.  Their reaction to our playing was half hearted if I'm honest, and I realised they had probably had quite a lot to drink.  We went on to play some great arrangements of a couple of pop anthems, and they sprang to life to the strains of Elbow and even more so when the outstanding Rowetta joined forces with us.  I used to swing my hips to that one when I went clubbing in Manchester all those years ago!

One of the many things I love about being in this part of the world is the wildlife - I spotted so many buzzards and hawks yesterday, as well as a pterodactyl-like heron in full slow-mo flight, and the promise of a red kite or two as I drove past a red kite centre (love it) was almost unbearable!  I have a thing about kites...  An owl was too-whitting outside when I left the venue last night and I excitedly spotted it flying overhead.  Amazing birds.  Then when I got to the hotel some 40 minutes away, I heard another owl there.  Fantastic!  And I saw my first swallow of the year, always an auspicious omen.

Right, a few Pilates stretches before I face the 270 mile drive - are we nearly at Tebay?!?

The single photo from the gig - if you zoom in you can see the name of the prestigious watchmaker, an indication of the nature of the venue

Bare feet weather.  Goodness, my toenails need doing

The best, quietest, most tranquil services ever...

... and even here there's some subtle surreptitious marketing going on.  I didn't buy any of these beauties but I could have spent a fair chunk of my fee in the shop...

How many services do you know that bother to plant tulips in the car park?

I still think this is one of the best shots - the accidental one

Simplicity

Result!

I know why baking has become so important to me recently.  It's all about the process and my love of it and it's a great stress reliever.  It all starts with the idea.  Then the planning and shopping for ingredients.  Next is preparation and assembly.  And finally, here is the end result of yesterday's endeavours:

Ta daaaa!  Ambery perfection.

About half way through the cooking time, the aroma wafting through my kitchen was tantalisingly irresistible.  Cooking satisfies my senses and I'm not sure why I let baking slip over the past year.  At one time I used to bake every Sunday.  It demands time and effort for sure.  Since I lived with a French family in Lyon, all I had to think about was the harp and my studies - I didn't have to do the cleaning, cooking and gardening and worry about paying the bills.  Towards the end of my studies, before I got my job in Cape Town, I was practicing for 6-7 hours a day - good times!!  In Lyon, cooking was like breathing.  My legendary teacher Germaine was another fine cook and gourmand and her passion for food was on a par with her passion for music and for life.  After my four years studying in Manchester and becoming independent and able to take care of myself, or so I thought, moving to France was a real eye opener.  How green I was!  I thought I knew how to play the harp and how to cook - I had a lot to learn!   I remember clearly learning to separate eggs and the fascination I felt at discovering you could beat them into a foamy amalgamation to be incorporated into all sorts of culinary delights.

There is an air of nostalgia about my baking - I have been using this foolproof recipe for over 20 years and it's a crowd pleaser.  I love how it has only 4 ingredients.  I enjoyed 2 pieces yesterday and it felt a whole lot better than trashy chocolate...

Stiff snowy peaks - "battre les blancs en neige"

In the tin

Out of the oven

Mmmmmm

HSP (Highly Sensitive People)

While hanging out with my lovely tribe of ladies lately, I was made aware of a phenomenon (condition?  I don't like either word) I didn't know about that affects 15 - 20% of us - HSP.  As we headed out for dinner at the local pub, the plan changed and suddenly I wasn't driving anymore.  My brain just froze.  It wasn't a panic attack.  I had to go back into my room for a few minutes to reset my brain.  I started feeling bad that I was going to ruin everyone's evening.  This wasn't the case of course and the walk down to the pub was fine and how we laughed about it, but at the time it really felt like the bottom of my universe was falling out.  This weekend was a big deal for me as it was my first social outing for quite some time - more about this below.

After being pointed in the right direction I have done some research and read about HSP and I'm gradually learning better ways of managing it.  New experiences can be difficult and it takes me a lot of mental preparation, and if you read my former blog posts, I have been pushing myself in a controlled fashion since the beginning of the year, since I stopped drinking.  Yes, you read that right - I had my last drink on 1st January 2018.

Being a HSP just means I'm more intensely attuned to the environment around me.  I can come across as aloof, but nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm just constantly assessing the risk factors of the situation in minute detail for each and every possible danger.  I often find it difficult to communicate what's going on for me - my brain is working at lightning speed and my thoughts and ideas come up in a huge jumble that can be hard to organise.  I don't fight that anymore and try to let my thoughts flow into coherence, which they do more and more quickly if I let them.  Am I a control freak?  No, I'm just instinctively keeping me and my tribe safe.  Apparently I'm an asset!  Occasionally I get overwhelmed and I realised this is why I drank - I was using alcohol to numb thoughts and feelings as I didn't know how to handle them.  Alcohol became a negative crutch.  I need lots of time alone especially when I go into meltdown (or brain freeze as I now call it), and probably more sleep than average.  

HSP's are hard working to a fault with burn out being a common unwanted side effect.  It makes finding work challenging since as well as being a HSP, I'm a perfectionist to boot.  I have coping strategies like fastidious time keeping and visualisation which help me stay grounded and manage myself.  I am slow - no, let me reframe that, I'm thorough, and it takes me longer to complete tasks.  But you know what?  The end result is pretty damned impressive if I say so myself.  In so many ways, it makes music the ideal career choice under the right circumstances.

I knew from a young age I wasn't quite like the others. I didn't get the "right" answers at school.  I am quirky.  I don't feel quite right if I eat that chocolate dessert with anything other than a small teaspoon.  Sounds and noises are amplified - that pen-clicking, dog barking and those sirens mean I find it hard to focus on what I'm meant to focus on.  While my sister's homework thrived as she listened to loud music, I had to have complete silence.  I find routines and habits reassuring and I like sticking to the same shops and routes, although I'm getting better at testing my boundaries without the toxic bandage alcohol provided.  As for being the single woman living with a cat, why would I share my living space with anyone except a very special person with a great deal of understanding?  Not everyone gets me and I'm ok with that.

If I'd posted this blog post in its original draft form, you might have thought I was crazy.  That's why I'm enjoying and sticking to blogging, it's a great way for me to organise my thoughts and get them down in black and white while improving the health of my business.  Most importantly I've found that writing as though I'm writing to my closest friends allows me to write as myself, not as a person who is keen to find work!  And if you identify with some of what I've written above, let me know - there's no reason to hide it and it will confirm why we get each other!

Creativity

It's only Thursday and already it's been a long week.  After yesterday's shift with its ups and downs (I feared for my hands on 3 occasions), I feel the need for a creative feed, so in and amongst today's busyness I have planned a baking session.  I love cooking and baking and when I lived in France, I really got into it, and loved the idea of cooking as nurturing not to mention the creative expressive side of it.  My landlady was a fantastic home cook with a strong cookery heritage (her parents owned and ran a charcuterie/traiteur in Lyon) and I had never tasted such deliciousness before I savoured her cooking.  She generously shared her recipes and knowledge with me, except for a few closely guarded family secrets, and weekends were very much based around lengthy family gatherings over food.  I discovered flavours I never knew and most of all the feeling of a loving comforting hug from food that I'd never had before.  Needless to say, I put on 3 stone when I lived in Lyon, finding any excuse  (homesickness was a good one) to dig into that pot of Nutella and sampling the delights of the local patisserie!  I always tried to recreate those flavours which took me to another dimension and I think I'm a good cook, but of course I haven't managed to relive that experience.  

I've just read through the recipe for the cake I'm going to bake and I'm already excited about the process!  I don't know why I feel guilty about making time in my day to do this (I SHOULD be working) and so to appease the guilt I'm going to take half the cake to my mechanic tomorrow, and maybe some to the factory if I'm working.  I've wanted to do this for a long time but never dared to - what if they don't like it, what if they think I'm trying to get out of paying my bill etc etc!!  It's a pistachio and orange cake but I'm going to try it with lemon as I prefer that combination.  I like putting my own spin on things.

This week I've watched a couple of new episodes of Chef's Table on Netflix.  I LOVE this series, it's so beautifully filmed and it captures the essence of what food (and music) is about with an evocative nostalgia.  I don't know why I was reluctant about watching the episode featuring Christina Tosi but it was amazing - crack pie for goodness sake!!  I often get a tear in my eye watching Chef's Table, that tangible passion they have about what they do and the effect their creation has on people.  I feel inspired - time to get my apron on.

My cake will NOT look like this, and that's ok!

Industry

Yesterday was my second day of industrial work.  I had a slightly longer shift starting at 1.30pm.  What I love about industrial work:

• Watching the machines and all their intricate working parts
• Seeing the product before and after and being part of the process
• The people
• The routine (clocking in, locker, getting changed) and the reassurance of repetitious activity
• The potential to be as obsessive or creative as I like about how I stack the packs (without breaking the rules of course!)
• The focus and concentration required

What I hate about it:

• The shoes!  I'm told it gets easier after the first week...
• Mopping and cleaning - I don't hate it but it's not as much fun
• The physical discomfort after a shift, although it doesn't last

When it gets tough, as it does on a long shift, I let my imagination loose and I tell myself I'm like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance - yes, I know she was a welder but why did she do the welding job?

Thankfully yesterday I was on the same section in the same factory with the same team and a nice new team leader (last Friday's team leader is off for a fortnight having an operation) producing the same product in smaller doses.  This work reminds me of another important time in my life.  In 2007 after I became stuck in a rut of weddings and peripatetic harp teaching (at one point I had 65 students over 4 days), I gave this life up and went back to the RNCM as a mature student.  The extreme nature of my decision was commented on but I saw no other solution than to rent out my beautiful house in Wales and have my lovely cats fostered to pursue my career as a harpist.  I was generously offered an Oglesby bursary to assist me in my studies and the majority of my work was in Marketing sticking labels on envelopes.  I LOVED it!!  Similarly to the industrial work I'm doing now, it gave me some balance and it was a platform for the next phase in my life.

What I've realised is that I love the freedom and variety of my job.  Today I have a chamber music rehearsal and this evening, Aquafit.  Tomorrow will be different again and I will probably accept another shift if it's offered.  I have entered a new, exciting, and sometimes terrifying phase in my life.  I get very anxious about being away from my harp and not practising - I admit I have only found the time, energy and headspace for 2 hours over the past 10 days...  I wake up in the early hours and my head is burgeoning and bubbling with ideas.  Instead of fighting it and lying there hoping sleep will come, I get up and put that energy to good use and get about my business.  Looking back 6 months to when I was struggling to crawl from under the duvet, I know which life I prefer.

Helpful hand protection - these gloves really work

Happy feet, though nothing can tame the shoes

I've no idea who Karen is but wearing this feels like having a midriff hug all day long.  And yes, it's from my favourite shop

Industrial quantities of industrial strength coffee

Weddings, Fairs and Background Music

Performing at a wedding earlier this year

I love performing at weddings and I feel lucky to be part of a very special day in a couple's lives.  I get to contribute in a way that can be quite visceral, that's what music can do, stop you in your tracks, take you back to a magical time and bring a tear to your eye, and make your heart beat that little bit faster.

I do as many wedding fairs as I can - I have almost always been told how delighted clients are to have found me (the joys of the internet...).  Wedding fairs are hard graft - it is a full day's work and an important one in finding new clients.  I admit I find them challenging as I have to play, talk to people and have the occasional break!  It's quite a balancing act with 47 strings and 7 pedals to manage!

I used to get quite low at fairs especially when future brides and grooms walked straight past me and my beautiful harp, and I know that what I offer won't appeal to everyone.  My strategy now is to enjoy my playing and anyone who is serious about my services will linger until I notice them as I'm so busy concentrating (that frown doesn't mean I'm grumpy!), or contact me after picking up a business card.

I am committed to improving my web presence during the coming months, and you probably won't find me on agency websites.  There are some wonderful agents out there who do it seriously and very well, but I recently heard of an agent who took a fee of over 50%...  We musicians have all been stung by agents who have collected their fee and been left high and dry when the client has cancelled.

So keep typing Rhian Evans Harpist Yorkshire (or a similar combination) into that search engine, and one day...

A Magical Place

I recently spent a morning combining a bit of business with pleasure at one of my favourite inspirational places, Yorkshire Sculpture Park.  It was a busy week and I was feeling a little burnt out and as soon as I see those rolling hills and creaking trees, I always breathe a sigh of relief and my batteries start to recharge.  It's a place of great tranquillity and serenity.  After three brief but meaningful business meetings I headed towards the Chapel, a very special spiritual place where I always find some peace.  A new exhibition has opened recently which I was really looking forward to seeing - Beyond Time by Chiharu Shiota.   I gasped and got goosebumps as I walked in. I could have spent 3 hours in there, her work is so quietly beautiful, fascinating and calming.  I was spellbound.  I don't want to write about it, my words wouldn't do it justice.  I urge you to see for yourselves.  And if you go to the Chapel, please speak quietly!

YSP is a national treasure and I feel so lucky to have it on my doorstep.  I go there for inspiration and to dust off the cobwebs as often as I can.  If you haven't been, I can't emphasise enough what a feast it is for ALL the senses.

Tranquillity

Some words from the exhibition booklet that resonated strongly with where I'm at on my journey 

Temporary Measures

Today I did a 7 1/2 hour shift at a pharmaceutical factory starting at 6am.  I was hesitating about writing about this as I feel an element of shame and embarrassment about a musician of my level of skill, knowledge, training and experience doing a day's work at minimum wage.  It's not all fancy shoes and pretty dresses!  I know that I'm not alone with this dilemma and it's a sad state of affairs for which I have no long term solution as yet.  This evening I learnt that another talented fellow musician has been laid off his teaching job of 20 years, and he has a family to support!  (marklansom.com) These are times of despair.  As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I have tried countless means of finding work as a harpist, with no significant success as I just haven't got adequate funding for advertising and there are so many ways to spend a lot of money very quickly and get nowhere - you've got to speculate to accumulate and all that, but my "speculant" is minimal!  

So finally this week, I explored something I'd been putting off due to fear and other preoccupations since the beginning of the year.  I did an induction for temporary work.  I did my homework, and this morning I arrived on time, well, early, after a fitful sleep, donned the fetching overalls, hairnet and hideously uncomfortable shoes, and washed my hands more times than a harpist should do without jeopardising those hard earned callouses.   The start of my shift was slightly chaotic - I was to stack packs of 6 boxes of a product called Care and in a specific pattern.  With my medium level OCD and perfectionism, it took me about half an hour to get my head round this, and I remember a moment of sheer panic as the production line started backing up and they had to pause the machinery - can you imagine getting fired on my first day and letting my colleagues (3 lovely helpful men) down?!!  No way!  After almost 3 hours, it was time for the first break.  I seemed to have calmed down a bit after this, so much information to take in, and after the second break I had found an efficient pace.  I started to find the work almost meditative, and most of the time I had music running through my head, a beautiful and comforting feeling.  The last part of my shift was under an hour long and I admit I was reluctant to leave my pallet unfinished.  After work, as I arrived at the mechanic's garage to resolve a small problem with my car, my phone went - the agency asking if I will do another shift Monday: so they didn't fire me!  Visiting my mechanic always cheers me up, they don't advertise, they have no website, they don't even have a sign!  It's all by word of mouth and because they're so good at what they do they're always rammed.

I have experienced a trend lately of last minute orchestral work offers and performances with reduced rehearsal time.  I realised that in taking on this work, I was putting my health at risk - my nerves were frayed due to the lack of familiarity with the pieces that one gets with adequate rehearsal time.  I know that some harpists relish that challenge, not me.  I like to get things right, ideally to the point where the music feels part of me - it takes me a bit longer and I'm ok with that.  If that makes me less employable doing the work for which I have so much love and passion, I have a choice - either I learn to practice faster and less indulgently (it's always a possibility!) and live with imperfection, or do something else.

Tonight my shoulders, hands and head ache, so after Pilates and meditation I'm having a rest full evening.  This weekend I have vowed to do as much practice as I can fit in along with the other practical business stuff, which will take second place, and I will find something to look forward to.  Taking on this temp work has made me appreciate the harp so much more, and it is very reassuring to have this work to fall back on in leaner times.  I am determined to find a way that I can make the harp my primary source of income again, it's just a question of time and finding the right path.  And having fun exploring!  Most of the time I am an optimist, a fighter not a quitter, and I do burn very brightly!  It's important to note that this isn't a pity party post, and I have learnt so much through the process of writing it out loud.  Who reads my blog anyway?!!  And if this helps bring traffic to my website, YIPPEE!!!

Clothes!

A very important part of being a performer is clothing and I always try to dress appropriately for any occasion at which I'm playing, whether it's background music for a wedding or an outfit for an orchestral concert.  This isn't as straightforward as it may seem as a harpist!  Add to that the fact that I loathe clothes shopping and lose interest after 20 minutes and it's a potential cocktail for stress.  There are several factors I have to consider, the main one being comfort and ease of movement.  I could spend a considerable amount of money buying smart functional gear, and we musicians aren't generally renowned for our wealth!  I have lately become a huge supporter of a budget high street store that will remain nameless and I visit at every opportunity for a 20 minute trawl.  Due to its affordable prices I am able to experiment with different styles that I wouldn't have considered before.  I am venturing more and more towards colour and pattern.  A recent highlight is the dress pictured, and yes, the price tag says it all.  I'm not sure I can play in it yet (where there's a will there's a way) but at that price I will find an occasion to wear it, though maybe not to go out clubbing!  Book me now to see it "live" (on a harpist with a great sense of humour!)

The fabric is gorgeous and it feels lovely and luxurious

I know, I couldn't believe it either!

New Beginnings

Since the beginning of December, I have been on a bit of a health kick.  Some of you may be wondering what this has to do with playing the harp, but it has EVERYTHING to do with it!  Over the past 3 years I have had quite a lot of shoulder discomfort that I put down to holding my arms up for harping and driving for long periods of time as well as the pressure involved in performing in often quite highly charged situations.  In early January a flyer for Pilates classes in my village came through my letterbox and I thought this was a serendipitous opportunity to take advantage of the first class at half price to see if I liked it.  I tried Yoga a few years ago and it just wasn't my thing.  I went to my first class with a little fear and anticipation, and I was not very good of course, but something clicked for me, my body seemed to love the feeling of gentle movement and stretching and being taken care of for the first time in quite a while.  I committed to trying it for 6 weeks and I started going to classes in both Meltham and Holmfirth twice a week.  Sometimes I would come out of class feeling infuriated that I couldn't manage one of the exercises, other times I came out on a cloud as both my mind and body were at peace.  I bought a Pilates mat, a chi-ball, dynabands and a block.  Now I do 10 minutes stretching and grounding before I start my harp practice which gets me in touch with my body and clears my mind, and on the days I don't have class I do up to an hour at home.  One of the benefits for me is that I can do it when and wherever I want, and especially in hotel rooms when I'm working away.  The classes are run by the amazing Anne Little and she is assisted by Julie and Karen, who is a physiotherapist, so I really feel I'm in good hands.  I have had one of the best Winters on a personal level after quite a challenging time in 2017, and I put a lot of that down to discovering this incredible form of physical activity.  I feel stronger both physically and mentally and I wish I had discovered Pilates years ago.   I am certain that it has had a positive effect on my harp practice too - I have been reminded that subtleness is crucial.  What I've found is that if I try too hard or not hard enough then I don't feel the benefit.  Funny that!  In my first classes I was tensing up and feeling nothing.  And then there's the breathing.  Translating what I learn in Pilates into my harp work is fascinating and has given my playing a new lease of life.

http://www.talkactive.co.uk/classes/modern-pilates

Great to practice Pilates with my assistant, especially when she climbs on my tummy as I'm doing abdominal work...

Look at that spine mobility - her abs are in pretty good shape for a 14 year old!  And happy non slip socks are a must for me.

Puccini

My passion for opera was ignited when I was 17 and I saw my first opera, The Love for Three Oranges by Prokofiev.  I was blown away!  When I was in my third year as an undergraduate at the RNCM I was fortunate enough to be invited to perform Madama Butterfly.  I just loved being in the pit, and being part of the excitement of all the musical and theatrical elements around me.  This was over 25 years ago and I don't think I truly got it.  

My first professional job was with the Cape Town Philharmonic, an orchestra that performed symphonic, ballet and operatic repertoire (more about that in a future post).  Imagine my delight when Madama Butterfly came up!  And with an Italian conductor!  Again, I don't think I got it - I was going through a phase where I was quite rigid musically, and Puccini demands so much flexibility, a real feel for every note and the space between the notes, and very specific sound qualities.

I had another stroke of luck in 2012 when I was invited to perform Butterfly again, this time with Opera North, and I like to think this time I got it!  Everything seemed to fall into place and I really felt I knew where each note belonged and its significance.  Puccini always writes the most amazing harp parts and I have enjoyed each of his operas that I have learnt.  My all time favourites are Butterfly of course, and La Boheme, and I often shed a tear in the pit!  They're not easy but they just work and fall into the fingers, and are a joy to relearn - there's always a new detail to discover and a different way to interpret a phrase or a new fingering to try.

I will be performing Butterfly again with Opera North on the 28th January.  If you haven't seen a Puccini opera, go along and experience it for yourselves - and remember to take your tissues!

In the pit before the dress rehearsal.  "America Forever" (it's one of Pinkerton's lines in Act 1)  Photograph by Michael Ardron